What’s With All The Hate?
“Hate is a strong word
But I really, really, really don’t like you”
-Song Lyrics by Plain White T’s
“I have no energy for hate. I either love you, wish you well, or hope you heal.” For all my life, I feel like I have been the type of person that has lived by this quote. I have no energy for hate and never have. No matter the situation, circumstance, or predicament, hate has never been my go to emotion or response. Yes, I may not like you or what you did that much, but I never hate. I guess, I just do not have the energy in me to hate anyone or anything.
The trouble with being this way is not everyone understands it, and often my lack of hatred sparks conversation, debate, and many questions. What do you mean you don’t hate anyone? Is that even possible? If you don’t hate, then what emotion or response do you use when something upsets you or a situation goes awry?
In response to all these questions and conversations, I always start at the very beginning; what is hate? According to a quick Google search, hate is defined as the “intense or passionate dislike of someone or something”. It is having this strong and extreme aversion or resentment of someone or something, and often this aversion, resentment, or dislike stems from differences.
Even with this definition, I still do not think we have a clear idea of what hate truly is or what it means to “hate” someone or something. And why is that? Well, I believe hate is more of a social construct than an actual feeling or emotion. Because of this, hate is actually hard to define and understand. There is a quote that says, “Hate is an emotion we choose to feel; happiness just happens on its own.” I often wonder if this is true?
Do we choose to hate? Do we choose to hate something in order to help rectify wrongs or hurt from the past? Is hate something we choose when there is something or someone we don’t agree with? If hate is something we can choose, then why do we always choose to “hate” instead of choosing a different emotion?
Think about it, we do not choose to be happy or feel joy. That feeling happens on its own. A situation, event, or person causes this feeling to arise. We do not have control over this.
This feeling of happiness/joy happens without any outside control or influence. And yes, that feeling is different for each person, but that does not take away from the fact that no matter how different this feeling is for each of us, it still occurs on its own.
Yet with hate, this is not the case. Hate is not just an emotion that bubbles up and comes in the moment. Some would like to think that it does, but truthfully hate is never the actual emotion we feel. I think it would be more appropriate to say we are “angry”, “resentful”, “mad”, “disgruntled” or “irritated” rather than say we hate something or someone or that we are hateful. We can feel angry. We can feel sad. We can feel mad. But, can we truly feel hate? Is that an actual emotion? Or is it just something we have constructed and created to describe our intense, passionate, and true feelings in a single moment? My answer would be that hate is not an emotion, but instead, it is just a response we choose to make.
If this is the case, then what’s with all the hate? Why is it that whenever we turn on the news, listen to the radio, or read the newspaper, we find stories about people acting out of hatred? Why is it that so many people still hate other people and things that act, think, and do things differently than them? Why is there still so much hate in the world?
The easy answer — we choose to hate. But there is hope in the knowledge that this hate is a choice. Instead of letting hate drive our responses, we can choose a better response. I am not saying that we still cannot be mad, angry, hurt, sad, or upset. Those feelings are valid, reasonable, and worth acknowledging. It is actually through the acknowledgment of these feelings, one may find understanding, acceptance, and/or forgiveness. With this understanding, acceptance, and forgiveness, comes that ability to choose to not act out of hate.
I end this article the same way I started it; “I have no energy for hate. I either love you, wish you well, or hope you heal.” I do not choose hate. I choose understanding, acceptance, and forgiveness. I choose the path that will help make the world a better place, a place filled with less hatred.
